@Eskit749
Apologizing for your part and they blame you for theirs. You're so right
@cornwallismorgan874
Yes. It takes two. If only one person is rowing the boat, you'll just go in circles.
@Rickettsia505
I got tired of doing 90%, divorced the 10%, and am so glad I did.
@emey444
Effort, all i wanted was EFFORT!!!
@ayekantspeylgud
Yes!! You can’t heal a one-sided relationship.
@susanmercurio1060
No, what I've discovered that if you take responsibility for your 10% (or even 50%), the other person immediately says, "Oh, so you admit that you're responsible!" And they blame you for the whole thing.
@MariaCaterina2012
I went to my boyfriend of two years in one of the lowest moments I can remember. I told him something was wrong and I thought we needed counseling. I said, “I love you, but we have some problems.” He said, “This isn’t a ‘we’ problem.” It destroyed me. I’ve always been inclined to be paranoid that there’s something horribly wrong with me. This was like confirmation of every thing I ever believed about myself: needy, burdensome, unloveable. I spent the next year doing everything in my power to make myself more emotionally self-sufficient. Learning to love the mental clarity that you get from exercise, deep breathing, cold showers, journaling. When I told him I was leaving, guess who suddenly developed an interest in working on himself. I will never forgive him for putting me through all the hell of trying to take ownership of a problem that wasn’t wholly mine or for dangling the possibility of something better once I’d already been ridden till the wheels came off.
@ktbiwk
Also impossible w/ppl who REFUSE to admit they've done anything wrong 💯
@natalieromero8657
The part I feel I need to take accountability for is staying in the relationship after my boundaries have been crossed... I wanted to save the relationship... When my needs and concerns were not listened to and then dismissed I began getting louder, and over reacting, and acting out of character... I do take accountability for my frustration and I take accountability for allowing my boundaries to be crossed. I will never again try to save a relationship with someone who doesn't care about me.
@giacoyt4147
The whole point of taking accountability for yourself is that you’ll also learn to leave if you need to. Accountability for your actions includes building the self respect to leave your crappy partner.
@Asher22222
One of my problems was apologizing for things that weren’t my fault.
@zellafranklin8240
This is why after 12 years I'm finally leaving my boyfriend. I've been trying to work on myself for years hoping it would be enough to make things better and he refuses to even admit there's a problem other then me. So now I'm taking accountability for myself and separating myself from the situation.
@pamelasusanne22
Bang on. It takes two to make a relationship work but only one to walk away.
@Heauxsome
Part of being accountable and having self responsibility is knowing when to say when. If you're dedicated to doing your part when you see the other person is ok with doing nothing, you have to admit that now you're being an enabler and forcing a relationship instead of doing the work that needs to be done to dissolve it with love and maturity.
@SingYourselfWell
Tricky only when a narcissist spouse insists one work on one's problems, while not owning up to their huge contribution at all.
@MrPendell
Thing is, the only things you ever actually have control over changing are the things you yourself do and say. If you’ve genuinely tried your best to fix problematic behaviours on your own end that you’re aware of, and have done your best to express to someone else what you believe you need from them in the way of change, if that change is not forthcoming your only choices are to accept whatever you are getting from that other person, or to walk away.
@ericka9759
I really needed this today, as I had a lengthy conversation yesterday with the man I love about my wrong doings in our relationship, but also his actions that created my reactions. I acknowledged, accepted, apologized and advised of how I would be working on those and changing. I did not get the same accountability back at any time during our conversation. Which was disappointing and hurtful.
@stoneyvowell1239
And when that other person refuses, you're going to get the entire blame for your 10% as 100% fault.
@Alicia.Marie.13
100% true. My ex would agree to work on "his part" but wouldn't actually do it. Meanwhile id be working on 150% of the issues that i believed were my fault. Reality was that unless i gave in and fully submitted to beeing seen and not heard and fully obedient like a slave, he would never be happy.
@PhilosophyOnTheNightbus