@soonny002

Hi there, I'm a psychiatrist, and thank you for making this video...

It is true that perfectionism is multifaceted, such that it contains biological, psychological and sociological elements, and I think you've covered them fairly well. 
The only thing I'd like to add is that I don't normally encourage my patients to find a 'middle ground' because then they'll be obsessed with finding the 'perfect middle ground'. Furthermore, most of them already know that they need to find a middle ground, having a psychiatrist tell them the same thing makes little to no difference.

Therefore, it is more helpful that I teach them how to turn their perfectionism on and off during times that matter. There are THREE key ingredients to doing this effectively: a) setting effective boundaries, b) emotional regulation, and c) internalising an ideal parental image. Let me break it down.

You'd be surprised how effective some simple lifestyle modifications can be on perfectionism. A good place to start is to have very clear and rigid work hours, especially if your perfectionism is centred around work. Most people are perfectionistic in one or two areas of their lives, and these are usually tied to their intrinsic self-worth. It can be your career, appearance, status, wealth, etc. OCD obsessions tend to be more bizarre and unrelated to self-worth. Just setting aside time to be perfectionistic about something can drastically reduce any spillover effects into other areas of your life. Furthermore, these so-called perfectionistic traits can also be harnessed in a positive way to increase your productivity. 

It is easy to set up boundaries, but maintaining them over long periods of time requires emotional regulation. Most people falter and breach their own boundaries because they give in to their neuroses. This is where a therapist who teaches CBT, ACT, or any form of T will come in handy. You will need to deploy these strategies to regulate your emotions, or you risk going back to your old ways. There are sensory tools to downregulate your sympathetic nervous system, such as breathing exercises, rhythmic movements or rhythmic tapping of any part of your body, taking a walk, etc. If nothing works, I prescribe my patients a low dose of sedatives to help calm them down. 

Finally, to address the root psychological cause of perfectionism, you need to internalise an ideal parental image. As the video has pointed out, feeling 'not good enough' is what most perfectionists fear. This comes from an invalidating parent or a parent that only validates results or certain outcomes. Now, you can't change your parents or your past, but there is a psychological mind hack that works fairly well around this issue. The next time you are in the throes of a perfectionism death spiral, I want you to imagine standing in front of a little child who is struggling exactly the way you do, and with all sincerity, I want you to imagine saying a few words to that child. The child will resist, he/she will not believe you, in fact, they might become aggressive towards you for trying to help! But just remain patient, and keep trying to reach that child. Utter those magical words the child desperately want to hear. You know what those words are. Give them a hug if you want. 

Repeat this exercise over and over again, and you will have gradually created and internalised an 'ideal' parental image that you can draw upon. It's called an 'ideal' parental image because this person doesn't exist in real life because all parents are flawed. Summon this person whenever you find yourself regressed into a child-like state - anxious, flusterred, and yearning for approval. And when the child is regulated, imagine yourself telling them to go play! To go explore! And always come back if/when they need to. 

I have had many successes with this technique, and I used it many times on myself too when faced with difficulties. There is nothing more powerful and soothing than having a parent say to me that "I'm good enough" and that "they love me no matter what". Try it. :) 


I hope this helps.

@Sweetthang9

I'm happy to see a conversation that calls the functionality of "perfectionism" into question when it has been lauded for SO long. I have always been a perfectionist who never felt perfect enough at performing perfectionism. It eroded me into the ground. Thank you for making this. Hopefully it makes a lot of noise.

@sanjanajain6295

This made me cry. Just a reminder to myself: I am good enough even if I don't achieve my goals

@sophiamartin7374

I've found that curiosity has taken me further then my perfectionism ever has <3

@humanish4042

I nearly dropped out of college due to perfectionism before I realized it was in fact perfectionism. I have severe ADHD and always assumed that's why I was struggling so much, but it turns out all of my issues with procrastination stemmed from fearing that my work wouldn't be good enough. It lead to some wild imposter syndrome in my classes too

@pthelo

I like how there was a spelling mistake in the perfectionism episode. It humanizes everything with a nod and a wink and I love it.

@LadyGamerLoon

Going to acting classes really helped me drop the perfectionism to a big degree. What my acting coaches told me was "being a perfectionist is detrimental if you want to be an actor; no matter how many times you go through a scene it'll never be the same, just as is life. It's ok to "do it wrong" cause sometimes that's exactly what is needed and what will make it real.so just drop it to begin with and allow yourself to fail". 
Humans and life are chaotic by nature, and failing might truly take us to a better place or outcome. 
I still have that trait, but it's not as debilitating and not failure might hurt in the short term but it became a great lesson to improve as a human and in whatever I am trying to achieve ❤

@BillyByeah

This made me realize that I would value a person like me but I don't value me.
I might have been too hard on myself.

@CelinaAvila

This is a reminder for all of us to be kinder to ourselves.

To quote Jake the Dog: "Sucking at something is the first step towards being sorta good at something."

@ronaldofelipe435

Bro you described my life and I struggle my entire life figuring what is good enough and save energy.

@desubysnusnu

A late millenial here.
One time a nurse at psych ward pulled me aside after a therapist meeting.
She had this exact conversation with me how older generations had ingrained the thought of us being "lazy" that it caused this epidemic of imposter syndrome & perfectionism

@Hi_Im_Akward

I am AuDHD and perfectionist mindset has caused a lot of burnout. It ties into masking and the trauma that comes with growing up different and adults in my life refusing to understand or accept that. I've struggled with a lot of depression, SI, SH and more due to it and always this ever present feeling of not being good enough. I can't maintain the perfectionist facade for long because my brain literally does not work that way. It's honestly only changed recently because I got diagnosed and started working on self compassion and understanding. It has made a world of difference.

@simonsaysism

Perfectionism was a major factor in why I ghosted my master's degree. I did end up going back to finish it about 5 years later but man I did not make it easy on myself.

@jenniferarmstrong8879

I really like the exercise in CBT where you are directed to try speaking to yourself like you would a friend. We don’t expect our friends to be perfect and yet we still want love and happiness for them. It’s accepting that you are human, prone to mistakes, and worthy of love all the same.

@DoctorX17

Perfectionism nearly killed me. Things came to a head at one point where I literally considered ending my life because I had "ruined" it. After someone walked me back from the proverbial cliff, helped me see how good things really were, if not perfect... I shifted, worked with my therapist, and letting go of imperfections as they come up has gotten easier with time. I still struggle with it, but life is so much less difficult when you're not trying to make EVERYTHING perfect ALL THE TIME. And you start to appreciate the beauty of imperfection.  Life is already hard enough without making it harder on yourself

@jennrae67

Thank you. There’s a part of me that breathed today for the first time in a very long time.

@mateeq7652

I like how there was a spelling mistake in the perfectionism episode. It humanizes everything with a nod and a wink and I love it.

@DeathDad

Welcome to being a “Dad” to YouTube! I’m 16 yrs ahead of you and have made this channel 3 years ago and have been afraid of making the wrong things, not good enough, feeling that I would not have value within the algorithm and people. Thanks for helping me with your self disclosure

@Cati.Colours

I love to see this! Many years ago, during a job interview I said that "being a perfectionist" was one of my strengths, and the interviewer said "Hmm, interesting, why do you perceive perfectionism as something positive?" Needless to say that shook me to the core because, until that day I genuinely believed it was something positive. That lady will never know just how much she helped me shift that perception and how much I've grown from that single questioning.

@KmartPoker

Mitch you nailed it. This has plagued me my whole life thanks for the vulnerable video going to help alot of people :)