@lordfuzi7168
Learned helplessness can also be taught when children are unable to effect their parents. For example when a child tries to comfort a sad parent or soothe an angry one to no vain. The child learns that they have to affect on others and the world.
@briannamorrison380
Another thing that can cause "learned helplessness" is teasing or making fun of your children when they make mistakes or don't get something right the first time they do it. That's what happened to me. My dad would make fun of me for not understanding my homework or failing at something. It made me feel like I was defective and couldn't learn. As an adult, I've realized I don't like to try new things for fear of being a failure. I came to this realization in my early 30s and am now trying to correct this mindset, but it's really difficult because it is ingrained in me.
@missterious9607
Now I understand why I do nothing to get myself out of a bad situation. I just accept everything and let myself suffer not knowing that I could actually do something to change the situation.
@xcool2114
Growing up, whenever I make a mistake, my parents would scold me so much and sometimes with abuse even if my mistakes can be fixed, all they do is say means things about me and never taught me how to solve my mistake or is there a way to solve it. I just now realized that made me feel everything bad happening to me is unfixable, this lead me to be stagnant for 2 years and caused me severe depression where I just wanted to end it all. I had developed a fear of the unknown. I am now trying to fix my life slowly. I wish everyone of you to have a good life~
@TigersandBearsOhMy
I saw a story told by a kindergarten teacher once who illustrated that there were two types of kids; those who had been allowed to fall, and those who hadn't. The first group would take a tumble, spring back up, and keep playing. The second group would straight up fall on their faces without even putting their arms up to brace themselves and would often be hurt far worse than the situation called for because they had never been allowed the opportunity to learn to catch themselves. I have an 8 month old, so I think about that story a lot.
@sayalipatil271
my parents never helped me with any kind of petty problems, they would only get involved if it was way to serious for me to handle it. But earlier I thought it was not a good practice because many of my friends were over pampered, I thought that it was always better to be taken care of all the time. But I have experienced exactly what the video speaks about. I am independent, I can take my own decisions, I can travel alone, I can even take care of the house and cook as a 17 year old. I can still almost all the problems that I face in my life. I love it. I just felt like appreciating my parents after watching this video !!!!
@DahnsHeart
The dogs of the experience were put together, and when the helpless dogs saw other dogs leave, they followed. You can unlearn helplessness
@DMRoper1
This topic sends chills through my whole body. Learned helplessness is the tool of monsters.
@drodlaren
What I needed/need: - move out - therapy! - a healthy relationship that 1. doesn’t enable me 2. still is compassionate. - I tend to take on leadership roles due to my extensive need for control, but once in it I am faced with actual responsibility.This has been very important to me. It motivates me to keep a pace with my peers and makes me feel accomplished. - stop saying «I can’t do this because i’m lazy, depressed, bad» etc If I can’t change those things right now, but I need a solution right now, those statements absolves me of agency. Instead asking «What makes this difficult for me and how can I change it?» A positive «you can do this, go girl!» attitude never did anything for me, but an inquisitive and compassionate one helps at least a bit. «Ok, i’m depressed, but I can still do x, y, z, or in this moment let’s pretend i’m not, what would I do?» etc etc. - Asking (not relying on) someone else for tips/advice for inspiration. No matter how wrong they are, at least I get steadier in my own opinion and it encourages problem solving! - specifically EMDR therapy
@cremebrulee4759
My therapist told me she believes that I suffer from this, so I have been trying to learn more about it. Thanks for this explanation.
@jenaya_laila2442
I think the example of being in an abusive situation that you can't run from for years is a mich better example of learnt helplessness than the one given by you. Life is hard when you feel subjected to all kinds of hard things without escape!
@Languageswithrob
As a language coach, I have discovered that studying a language can help people rebuild their self-confidence. At the beginning of my courses, so many people tell me "languages are not for me", "I am so bad at languages", and stuff like that. After some classes, to their own surprise, they realise that they were never the problem. Their previous teachers were. The importance of praise and encouragement during the language learning process is absolutely paramount.
@Dinhjason
The 'Story of Joe' - with a little bit of cultural nuance - hits very close to home. On the off-chance this tidbit of mentioning would help anyone: practise your autonomy. Ability grows with self-dependence, and coming with that is self-control, try not to self-sabotage yourself by relapsing a fixation on your absence of skill; talent; and knowledge. "You're not who you are now, you are who you're going to be", that's a mantra I trade with people when I exchange ideas. Just try not to hold yourself back. And for an extremity, I want to mention to those who're feeling that pique of helplessness - I know what you're thinking when pushed too far - there is a way out - there is. There is. There is. It'll hurt, maybe you'll have to crawl through a metaphorical barbwire vent to escape, but there's a world on the other side, that you deserve to see - even if simply. You'll grow, and grow up, and change your mind - soon you'll learn something a little more useful than "I can't do it"; maybe you'll say instead, "I can't do it, yet".
@greghayes9118
This video illustrates my frustrating life. This is how my parents raised me, and now they blame me for what they did.
@WifeMamaArtist
I've always said that a good parent does 3 things: 1. NOT wrap a child in cotton wool, and allow them to learn themselves. 2. HELP to grow up to be a well adjusted adult by helping and advising where necessary. 3. Be just a LITTLE embarassing. It's importsnt to balance parenting and friendship.
@Business_People_Places
Its important to show children how to survive on their own. Teach them by showing them how, before leaving them to it.
@umasordini9843
I have a word for the opposite of helplessness, and that is Agency. What I mean by agency is the idea that you are able to control some of the elements in your environment, in order to acheive a goal. Key is to know the difference between when your child is in distress, and when your child just wants to play with you a little longer. Also, how bad is the need? Can a child wait two minutes once is a while? I think they can and must learn that sometimes they can wait. As a parent I had to develop the patience to watch my child fail (sounds easy, but it isn't, very hard to watch); They will stumble and hurt themselves, get frustrated and scream, and break things by accident. As a parent, you must have faith that your children are capable of learning things for themselves, through trial and error, copying and experimentation. Your job as a parent is not to control your child into a cettain behaviour, your job is to point your children in the direction that will help then acheive their goals.
@LizzyAlexis
I've wondered how to define the way I was raised. Ever since childhood, my parent has acted as both a helicopter parent and an invalidating, demeaning person. They put a lot of boundaries around our independent decision making, while also not teaching us how to be independent. As a young adult, I now get belittled for not knowing how to do a certain task. I get told, "what if you didn't have parents to help you?". I can say that my siblings and I are aware of this relationship dynamic and have been little by little trying to unlearn the senses of helplessness. We're pretty independent, but there are still some roots that linger.
@Nina-cd6uw
I wasn't coddled and both of my parents had the approach to let me do my own mistakes and get up again, play with other kids unsupervised and stuff, but I still behave like the dogs so used to suffering that they just can't imagine it any other way. I believe the explanation is "peer group", because I got bullied relentlessly from a young age on and the experience that nothing I could do, no fighting back, ignoring, no thought-out reaction could stop it for almost a decade made me so used to a state of suffering that I don't even realize how or that I could escape it (+ low self worth). I'm now way too complacent to my own suffering, but not because my parents coddled or abused me.
@sprouts